Parents, family members and others who care for children can help them learn to deal with emotions without using violence. Parents play a valuable role in reducing violence by raising children in safe and loving homes. Here are some suggestions that can help.
Give your children consistent love and attention
Every child needs a strong, loving relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust. Behavior problems and delinquency are less likely to develop in children whose parents are involved in their lives, especially at an early age.
It's not easy to show love to a child all the time. It can be even harder if you are a young, inexperienced or single parent, or if your child is sick or has special needs. If your child seems unusually difficult to care for or comfort, talk to your pediatrician, another physician, a psychologist or other mental health care provider. They can give you advice and direct you to local parenting classes that teach positive ways to handle the difficulties of raising children.
Make sure your children are supervised
Children depend on their parents and family members for encouragement, protection and support as they learn to think for themselves. Without proper supervision, children do not receive the guidance they need. Studies report that unsupervised children often have behavior problems.
Insist on knowing where your children are at all times and who their friends are. When you are unable to watch your children, ask someone you trust to watch them for you. Never leave young children home alone, even for a short time.
Encourage your school-aged and older children to participate in after-school activities such as sports teams, tutoring programs or organized recreation. Enroll them in local community programs, especially those run by adults whose values you respect.
Accompany your child to supervised play activities and watch how they get along with others. Teach your children how to respond appropriately when others use insults or threats or hitting to deal with anger. Explain to your children that these are not appropriate behaviors, and encourage them to avoid those children who behave that way.
Show your children appropriate behaviors by the way you act
Children learn by example. The behavior, values, and attitudes of parents and siblings have a strong influence on children. Values of respect, honesty and pride in your family and heritage can be important sources of strength for children, especially if they are confronted with negative peer pressure, live in a violent neighborhood, or attend a rough school.
Most children sometimes act aggressively and may hit another person. Be firm with your child about the possible dangers of violent behavior. Remember also to praise your children when they solve problems constructively without violence. Children are more likely to repeat good behaviors when they are rewarded with attention and praise.
Parents sometimes encourage aggressive behaviors without knowing it. For example, some parents think it is good for a boy to learn how to fight. Teach your children that it is better to settle arguments with calm words, not fists, threats, or weapons. And most importantly, don't hit your children.
Be consistent about rules and discipline
When you make a rule, stick to it. Children need structure with clear expectations for their behavior. Setting rules and then not enforcing them is confusing and sets children up to "see what they can get away with."
Parents should involve children in setting rules whenever possible. Explain to your children what you expect and the consequences for not following the rules. This will help them learn to behave in ways that are good for them and for those around them.
Keep violence out of your home
Violence in the home can be frightening and harmful for children. Children need a safe and loving home where they do not need to grow up in fear. A child who has violence at home does not always become violent, but s/he may be more likely to try to resolve conflicts with violence.
Work toward making home a safe, nonviolent place, and always discourage violent behavior between brothers and sisters. Keep in mind as well that hostile, aggressive arguments between parents frighten them and set a bad example for them.
If the people in your home physically or verbally hurt and abuse each other, get help from a psychologist or other type of mental health provider. S/he will help you and your family understand why violence at home occurs and how to stop it.
