Home Page Office Sick Child Well Child Newborn Topics Other Issues ADHD Community Resources Links FAQ Email

Copyright 2010,
Sonja Brownlee, MD.
All rights reserved.
Site created by
Joanne Asch.
Questions about this site? Email Webmaster

Last Updated 1/2010

The information contained on this web site is not a substitute for direct examination and treatment by a physician. If any of this material is unclear or confusing, or if you have additional questions or concerns, please call the office at 778-6762. 

Disclaimer:Sonja Brownlee,M.D. cannot endorse all links presented on the website as they may link to unrelated third-party websites.

How do we share our values with our children?

A recent survey states that the majority of adults do not talk or discuss their values with their children (see Archives February 2001). So how do children learn values? Children are influenced by the media, (See "Is Your Television Controlling Your Life?) other adults, and their peers. Yet, our example as parents and adults is the greatest influence in our children's lives.

How can we be positive influences? How can we raise children with core values of equality, honesty, and responsibility?

• If you don't want your child to swear, then don't you swear.
• If you are taking your child out of school a few days early for vacation, tell the school the truth and make prior arrangements, don't "call in sick".
• If you give to charity or volunteer, involve your child, and they will do that themselves.
• If you feel church is important, don't just drop your child off at Sunday School, attend church with them.
• When you don't live up to your values, be honest, apologize, and strive to make amends.

2. Provide clear, consistent rules and discipline (see Memo).

• Remember, you are the parent. Your child relies on you for guidance and protection.
• Providing this helps them develop their own confidence and self-discipline.

3. Give them daily and weekly chores. (See Chores)

This lets your child know they are an important part of the family.

• Understand the developmental level of your child and have realistic expectations of their abilities.
• Teach good behavior, manners, and courtesy by demonstrating it in your own behavior.

• When you've left the store and find your child has a candy bar in his pocket, have him take it back and apologize.
• Read fables like "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" or Bible stories that illustrate a point.

6. Watch what your child watches (see Television)

• Give your child a say in deciding on fair family rules and punishments. They'll learn that their voice is valued. Allowing kids to make choices - even about something as trivial as what to have for lunch - will enable them to make moral ones later.

• If your child finds a teddy bear, ask how sad they would feel if they lost their favorite stuffed animal - and how happy they would be if someone returned it.
• If your child talks about "the weird kid in class", talk about how that child must feel and how to treat others with respect and courtesy.
• Read stories about children in other cultures and countries. Learn about other cultures through games, foods, music, holiday celebrations, art, travel.

9. Communicate with your child. (see Communication)

Communication is not just talking and sharing information. Communication is understanding one another and learning about the others' thoughts and feelings. Communications is how you convey love, acceptance, respect, and approval to your child. The most important part of communication, and perhaps the most difficult to learn, is listening.

Communication is a way of sharing emotions and giving support. Families that communicate well share a full range of experiences-the happy and good parts of life and also sad times, problems, and their solutions. To be effective, you and your child must practice and develop skills together. Successful communication not only allows any topic or feeling to be shared, but it uses nonverbal as well as verbal ways of expressing oneself.

• Turn the TV off during meals.
• Involve your child in household chores - don't do everything for them. (See chores)
• Attend their sports activities (games not every practice).
• Be aware of their school schedule and homework and set time aside for it.
• Attend parent/teacher conferences and school open houses, performances, etc.
• Know their friends and welcome them in your home.
• Develop family traditions: birthdays, holidays, etc.
• Play together - take turns with your child in picking the activity (within reason).
• Develop shared interests: sports, camping, pets, baking, crafts, collections, etc.
• Again, share your own interests and be open to exploring your child's interests.
• Have a bedtime routine - story, prayers, goodnight hugs - even as they grow older, they don't grow out of this!

Your child is an individual with thoughts and feelings. A parent's role is to guide, encourage, and support their child in becoming an independent, responsible, and caring adult. Encouraging your child to become the person s/he is, allows us to see the world through his/her eyes.