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Sonja Brownlee, MD.
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Last Updated 3/2011

The information contained on this web site is not a substitute for direct examination and treatment by a physician. If any of this material is unclear or confusing, or if you have additional questions or concerns, please call the office at 778-6762. 

Disclaimer:Sonja Brownlee,M.D. cannot endorse all links presented on the website as they may link to unrelated third-party websites.

Developmental Milestones for 2 Year Old Children

2 year olds view the world through their own needs and desires, and seem to act selfishly.  They often refuse to share and do not easily interact with other children.  They are impulsive.  When they “lose it” and lash out, it is quite useless to say “How would you like it if s/he did that to you?”  Save that until your child is about 7 years old.  For 2 year old discipline ideas, refer to “Golden Rules of Preschool Discipline.”

Much of your child’s playtime will be spent imitating other peoples’ words and activities.  The best way for most 2 year olds to learn how to behave socially is to give plenty of trial runs.  Get play groups together.  Start with just 2 or 3 children (you will need to supervise so that no one gets hurt or overly upset) and let them guide their own play as much as possible.

2 year olds can seem to be on emotional roller coasters. These emotional changes take place as your child struggles to take control of actions, impulses, feelings, and of his/her body. 

Your child wants to explore the world, so s/he'll spend most of the time testing limits - his/her own, yours, and the environment's. S/he lacks many of the skills needed and may lack the understanding to be afraid or careful, so s/he'll often need you to protect him/her. When your child oversteps a limit and is pulled back, s/he may react with anger and frustration, even a temper tantrum or with hitting, biting, or kicking. 2 year olds just don't have much control over emotional impulses. 

Sitters or relatives may tell you that your child "behaves perfectly" for them, while you worry that your child is "just a little monster" for you. This is because your child doesn't trust these others enough to test their limits, but they trust you well enough to do so.

Most 2 year olds are "hyperactive". They seem to be always on the go, often speak too fast to understand, and have short attention spans. Try to adjust to their pace. Don't expect him/her to stay seated through a long meeting or restaurant meal. When shopping, be prepared to move at his/her pace, not yours. Avoid putting your 2 year old in confining situations where you know you'll both be frustrated, and give him/her plenty of play time and space to release excess energy. 

Without strong guidance, a very active child's energy can easily turn toward aggressive or destructive behavior. Establish clear and logical rules and enforce them consistently. Encourage more low-keyed behavior by praising quiet play. It also helps to keep a regular routine of mealtimes, naps, baths, and bedtime. This gives him/her a sense of structure and security.

A New Baby in the Family

Many 2 year olds greet the news of a new baby with jealousy. Start preparing your 2 year old several months before a new baby is born. Let him help shop for clothes and equipment. Show her pictures of herself as a newborn and infant. Let him play with any of his old baby equipment that you may be recycling for the new baby. Include her in the baby shower, and let her open presents. Even have gifts for the new big sister or brother! Get age-appropriate books about babies from the library and read them with your 2-year old. Talk about the baby and Mom's growing "stomach". Point out other newborns and their older siblings, and tell him/her how s/he's going to be a big brother or sister. Prepare him for your absence at delivery time.

After delivery, be sure to have your 2 year old visit at the hospital. At home, encourage your 2 year old to help with the baby, but don't force the issue. Give her some tasks like throwing away dirty diapers, picking out the baby's clothes or toys. Show him how to play, hold, and move the baby. Make sure she understands not to do this unless you are present. Reserve some special time each day just for you and your 2 year old: read, play games, or simply talk together.

Don't promise your 2 year old that nothing will change when the new baby comes or that you'll always love him/her best. Talk about the joys of families and how hearts have room to love everyone. There are many age appropriate books and songs available on this topic also.

Any major changes in your 2 year old's routine, such as toilet training, switching from a crib to a bed, changing bedrooms, or starting nursery school, should be completed before the baby arrives. Or put them off until after the baby is settled in at home.

Don’t be surprised if your 2 year old regresses. S/he may demand a bottle, ask to wear diapers, or refuse to leave your side. This is his way of reassuring himself that you still love him. Simply grant her requests and don’t get upset. Your 2 year old will soon return to his normal routine when he realizes that he is loved just as much as the new baby.

Click here for more information about Sibling Rivalry and Help Your Child Become a Big Brother or Big Sister. 

• Encourage creative play, building, and drawing. Provide the time and tools for playful learning.
• Be attentive to your child's rhythms and moods. Respond to her when she is upset as well as when she is happy. Be encouraging and supportive, with firm discipline as appropriate, but without yelling, hitting, or shaking. Provide consistent guidelines and rules.
• Give consistent warm, physical contact - hugging - to establish your child's sense of security and well-being.
• Talk to or sing to your child during dressing, bathing, feeding, playing, walking, and driving, using adult talk. Speak slowly and give your child time to respond. Try not to reply with "uh-huh" because your child will recognize when you're not listening; instead, expand upon your child's phrases.
• Read to your child every day. Choose books that encourage touching and pointing to objects, and read rhymes, jingles, and nursery stories.
• If you speak a foreign language, use it at home.
• Introduce your child to musical instruments (toy pianos, drums, etc.)
• Play calm and melodic music for your child.
• Listen to and answer your child's questions.
• Spend one-on-one personal time with your child each day.
• Offer your child choices in appropriate situations (Peanut butter or cheese? Red T-shirt or yellow?).
• Help your child use words to describe emotions and to express feelings like happiness, joy, anger, and fear.
• Limit your child's television viewing and video time; avoid violent cartoons. Monitor what your child does watch and discuss programs with your child. Don't use the TV as a babysitter.
• Promote out-of-home social experiences such as preschool programs or play groups.
• Make sure other people who provide care and supervision for your child understand the importance of forming a loving and comforting relationship with your child.
• Spend time on the floor playing with your child every day.
• Choose quality child care that is affectionate, responsive, educational, and safe; visit your child-care provider frequently and share your ideas about positive care-giving.

Call the office at 778-6762 if your child displays any of the following signs of possible developmental delay for children between the ages of 2 and 3 years:

• Frequent falling and difficulty with stairs.
• Persistent drooling or very unclear speech.
• Inability to build a tower of more than four blocks.
• Difficulty manipulating small objects.
• Inability to copy a circle by age three.
• Inability to communicate in short phrases.
• No involvement in "pretend" play
• Failure to understand simple instructions.
• Little interest in other children
• Extreme difficulty separating form mother.